Doc Health Plan -Many parents, especially first-time ones, run to parenting books for guidance on how to care for their newborn babies. Of course, authors of parenting books are eager to lay out the physical as well as social needs of babies and children. However, one aspect that is, up to this day, largely overlooked in parenting books are a child’s emotional needs. Sure, they tackle emotional quotient as being more important than a child’s IQ, but do you know that parents play the largest role in shaping their child’s EQ?
How do parents meet a child’s emotional needs? After all, aren’t they so young that they need to be guided to behave properly and not throw temper tantrums?
Herein lies the very subtle deception. Young children typically do not have the capacity to tell right and wrong, and expecting them to behave based on standards that adults have set over the generations in their specific culture is not only unrealistic, it also sets an unnecessary pressure on the child. Have you seen parents who scold their young kids for spilling a cup of juice on the carpet? Parents can rave and rave about how stupid the child was for spilling, or sometimes, for not obeying the rule of no drinks in the living room, when in fact the child is obviously immature, not rebellious. This has a scathing effect on a child, especially when done often. And indeed, parents who have the weakness of yelling at their child for every little misdeed, intentional or not, tend to succumb to that weakness more and more.
So how can one care for a child’s emotional needs? The following are only examples, as each child is unique and you are especially gifted with wisdom how to deal with the child entrusted to you:
1. Enjoy them. This is one of the most difficult things to do, as parents, who see their child in every state, including the difficult tantrums and hard headedness, tend to skip over the enjoying part and go right on to the scolding and making them “behave.” Sure, once in a while, a dad may have fun with his son, and a mom may laugh at a crazy antic, but why not make this the norm instead of the exception? A child needs to know that he is enjoyed and loved, and from there he will grow up to be confident and a pleasing addition to society.2. Don’t set unrealistic expectations on your child. This has actually become so much more commonplace this generation, with preschools that admit younger and younger children. Whereas, a few generations ago, children only went to school at first grade, now we have preschools that admit even two-year-olds. How can adults expect a two-year-old to behave like his more mature seven-year-old brother, who can sit quietly coloring or playing with his robots? This unreasonable expectation contributes to stress not just to kids, but to parents as well—and in the end it will backfire on the way they treat their kids.3. A little touch goes a long way. Science has undergone many a research study on the effects of touch on a baby’s life. One of these studies have tested two groups of babies, all of which were fed properly and had their physical needs met. However, one group received lots of hugs and kisses, while the other didn’t. The study showed that the group that got the affectionate touches fared much better than the other group. As parents, hugging and kissing are our privilege, and being free to express our affection actually also frees our children to be who they are, and still be accepted for who they are.4. Respect their interests and nourish them in that area. In the same vein that children need to know they are enjoyed and accepted for who they are, they also need to know that their parents approve of their interests. Interests are a strange thing that naturally manifests as part of a child’s design. Having the parents encourage them in their interests actually serves to skyrocket their potential, giving them a good self-esteem to succeed later on in life.
The difficult thing about a child’s emotional needs is that they are largely intangible. But it is no surprise that families are the basic unit of society, before any child goes on into the tough world out there, as the daily hugs and kisses from mom and dad will more than equip him to be emotionally stable and socially acceptable in the long run.
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